HUMOUR  • COACHING TIPS  • TALKING POINTS  • QUIZ  • QUOTES  • POSTBAG • LINKS
On The Line
THE  ONLINE TENNIS MAGAZINE!
 Caversham Park Tennis Club  
  About C.P.T.C.  • Club News  • Junior Section  • Club Tournament  • Subscription Details  • Front Page  
Quotes

Wish I hadn't said that! . . .

"This [defeat] has taught me a lesson, but I'm not sure what it is." (John McEnroe)

"That shot knocked the stuffing out of his sails!" (Fru McMillan)

"Noah always beats Curren. He has a sort of Houdini against him." (John Lloyd)

"There is Peter Graf, Steffi's father, with his head on his chin." (Dan Maskell)

"He slips . . . but manages to regroup himself." (Dan Maskell)

"She puts her head down and bangs it straight across the line." (Ann Jones)

"Even when he has to move back, he moves back so that he's moving forwards!" (Mark Cox)

"He's now letting Chang play his own game - and he does that better than anyone." (Christine Janes)

"Chris Lloyd came out of the dressing room like a pistol." (Virginia Wade)

"Strangely enough, Kathy Jordan is getting to the net first, which she always does." (Fred Perry)

"Ann's got to take her nerve by the horns." (Virgina Wade)

"Lloyd did what he achieved with that shot." (Jack Bannister)

"Diane - keeping her head beautifully on her shoulders." (Ann Jones)

"Zivojinovic seems to be able to pull the big bullet out of the top drawer." (Mike Ingham)

"If she gets the jitters now, then she isn't the great champion that she is." (Max Robertson)

"McEnroe has got to sit down and work out where he stands." (Fred Perry)

"He's got his hands on his knees and holds his head in despair." (Peter Jones)

"The Gullikson twins here. An interesting pair, both from Wisconsin." (Dan Maskell)

"And here's Zivojinovic, six foot six inches tall and fourteen pounds ten ounces." (Dan Maskell)

"Martina, she's got several layers of steel out there like a cat with nine lives." (Virginia Wade)

"Chip Hooper is such a big man that it is sometimes difficult to see where he is on the court." (Mark Cox)

"That shot he's got to obliterate from his mind a little bit." (Mark Cox)

"Those two volleys really could be the story of this match summed up at the end of it." (Barry Davies)

"These ball boys are marvellous. You don't even notice them. There's a left handed one over there. I noticed him earlier." (Max Robertson)

"It's quite clear that Virginia Wade is thriving on the pressure now that the pressure on her to do well is off." (Harry Carpenter)

"Lendl has remained throughout as calm as the proverbial iceberg." (Dan Maskell)

"Strawberries, cream and champers flowed like hot cakes." (Radio 2)

"She comes from a tennis playing family. Her father's a dentist." (BBC 2)

"He certainly looks older than he did last year." (Mark Cox)

"He was a great tennis player, rather like a chess player, always trying to thread the ball through the eye of a needle." (Talk Radio Commentator)

"He's serving now to increase his scoreline." (Bill Threlfall)

"The pace of this match is really accelerating, by which I mean it's getting faster all the time." (David Coleman)

"I had a feeling today that Venus Williams would either win or lose." (Martina Navratilova)

"She [Monica Seles] has so much control of the racket with those double-handed wrists." (Virginia Wade)

"And when Chrissie is playing well I always feel that she is playing well." (Ann Jones)

"When Martina is tense it helps her relax." (Dan Maskell)

"We haven't had any more rain since it stopped raining." (Harry Carpenter)

"Billie Jean King, with the look on her face that says she can't believe it, because she never believes it, and yet, somehow, I think she does." (Max Robertson)

Oh, very witty! . . .

"The key to the match might have been his serving. Maybe I should have concentrated harder on watching them go by me, I don't know." (Andy Roddick)

"Some of these young girl players shouldn't be allowed out alone, they might fell me with one hand." (Abe Segal)

"If I didn't play tennis I probably would have to see a psychiatrist." (Arthur Ashe)

"As long as I can get angry then I play well. If I play well I can beat everybody. I am happy because I am getting angry." (Ilie Nastase)

"Tennis is a fine balance between determination and tiredness." (Virginia Wade)

"The serve was invented so that the net could play." (Bill Cosby)

"I started when I was 4, but I didn't play seriously until I was 8." (Kathy Rinaldi)

"I don't go out there to love my enemy. I go out there to squash him." (Jimmy Connors)

"Equality? They ought to play the women's final on opening day. Everybody knows who's going to be in it." (Jimmy Connors)

"I wonder if she knows what's going on yet. That's great. She's winning. Wait'll she learns how to choke." (Billie Jean King about Tracy Austin)

"I didn't aspire to be a good sport - 'champion' was good enough for me." (Fred Perry)

"I am the best tennis player who cannot play tennis." (Ion Tiriac)

"My goal one day is to be in the same sentence as Rod Laver and Ken Rosewall." (Pete Sampras)

"I don't make friends with the girls I'm playing against. It would be too painful to beat them." (Virginia Wade)

"Winners aren't popular, losers often are." (Virginia Wade)

"In America you're conditioned to regard everything as a contest. You have to make the Ten Best Dressed List, win this, win that. It drives me nuts sometimes. Who cares, for Christ's sake?" (Arthur Ashe)

"I was always rather nasty. I was willing to be friends with the Devil, just to cross the bridge." (Ilie Nastase)

"Sometimes I feel like tap-dancing, screeching, unscrewing light bulbs, pulling curtians, combing hair, doing knee bends, handstands and turning somersaults out there." (Ilie Nastase)

"If you put two monkeys on to play you'd still pack the centre court." (Neil Fraser)

"One day when a linesman starts to laugh I swear I will hit the guy over the head with my racket. I think it will be the end of my career, but I will be happy." (Ilie Nastase)

"At the end I couldn't hear what the Queen was saying to me. But it was just great to see her lips moving." (Virginia Wade)

"The cheerleaders . . . wait . . . there are none." (Andy Roddick, on what keeps him playing tennis)

"My tattoo is a cross, a rose and a shark. A cross is a cross, a rose like love and a shark is a pretty tough animal." (Goran Ivanisevic)

"It's like a movie. I make the movie, but I don't know the end. That's it." (Goran Ivanisevic)

"I call tennis the McDonald's of sport - you go in, they make a quick buck out of you, and you're out." (Pat Cash)

"The trouble with me is that every match I play against five opponents: umpire, crowd, ball boys, court, and myself." (Goran Ivanisevic)

"After I won a match at a tournament I tried to repeat everything I did the day I won. Before my next match, I ate the same food, I went to the same restaurant etc. Sometimes it got very boring." (Goran Ivanisevic)

"I still break racquets, but now I do it in a positive way." (Goran Ivanisevic)

"Actually, I tossed it nicely - landed nicely, like airplane. No warning, beautiful. That's the art of throwing racquets." (Goran Ivanisevic)

"Is that the longest fifth set ever? It was? So, no, I've never played one longer than that!" (Andy Roddick)

"It'll certainly give the pigeons something to do." (Pat Cash, on being inducted into the Australian Hall of Fame and unveiling a bust of himself)

With friends like that! . . .

"I realise he big star now, but sometimes I feel like dog trainer who teach dog manners and graces and just when you think dog knows how he should act with nice qualities, dog make big puddle and all is wasted." (Ion Tiriac about Ilie Nastase)

"I'll chase that son of a bitch Borg to the ends of the earth. I'll be waiting for him. I'll dog him everywhere. Every time he looks round he'll see my shadow." (Jimmy Connors)

There's more to life . . .

"In America you're conditioned to regard everything as a contest. You have to make the Ten Best Dressed List, win this, win that. It drives me nuts sometimes. Who cares, for Christ's sake?" (Arthur Ashe)

"When I am playing well I think I play such boring tennis." (Virginia Wade)

"Does everyone in this silly game have to be so serious?" (Dominique Nastase, wife of Ilie)

"Whoever stole it is spending less money than my wife." (Ilie Nastase explaining why he failed to report the theft of his credit card)

"If I don't win tonight I guess the sun will still come up in the morning." (Arthur Ashe)

"Losses are always a relief. They take a burden off me, make me feel more normal. If I win several tournaments in a row I get so confident I'm in a cloud. If I lose I go back to the dressing room and I'm no better nor worse than anyone else. A loss gets me eager again." (Chris Evert)

Inspirational quotations . . .

"A man's reach should exceed his grasp - or what's a heaven for?" (Robert Browning)

"We can do anything we want as long as we stick to it long enough" (Helen Keller)

"Making mistakes simply means you are learning faster" (Weston H Agor)

"In the middle of a difficulty lies opportunity" (Albert Einstein)

"Your aspirations are your possibilities" (Samuel Johnson)

"Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself" (Cicero)

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do" (Eleanor Roosevelt)

"Mistakes are the portals of discovery" (James Joyce)

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail" (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

"Always bear in mind that our own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing" (Abraham Lincoln)

"No vision and you perish. No ideal, and you're lost. Your heart must ever cherish some faith at any cost. Some hope, some dream to cling to, some rainbow in the sky, some melody to sing to, some service that is high" (Harriet Du Autermont)

Heard on court (C.P.T.C.) . . .

"I've got a new serve for the Millennium!" (Henry B)
(I've seen it - it's got the Millennium Bug! - Editor)

"I've never lost a tie-break at this club ...... on a Sunday ...... in April." (Trevor G)

"I definitely had it ...... till I missed it." (Wyn M)

"I don't do backhands!" (Harriet J)

"Left! Go right! Hard left! Right! Hard! Hard right! Harder!!" (Greg S)

"I've got another new serve!" (Henry B)
(It's still got the Millennium Bug! - Editor)

[On spinning for serve] "M or W?"
[Reply] "W"
"No, sorry, it's P. We'll serve." (David B)

"They can't pick these shots. My eyes look one way, my racquet goes another and the ball goes a third way!" (Henry B)

"She'll be a big server. She's very tall for her height!" (Dave W)

"Hold on while I put on my hat." (Allan T)
"Why? Is there a woodpecker flying about?" (Trevor G)

"I've got the best eyesight in this club." (Allan T)
"Is that why you're sponsored by Specsavers?" (Trevor G)

"Can we have pavlova at the end of season party?" (Ellie F)
"Pavlova?" (Zan B)
"She won Wimbledon in 1973" (Dave W)

"My main strings are Kevlar" (Dave W)
"They're made from fishes' eggs?" (Zan B)

Excuses, excuses, excuses! (C.P.T.C.) . . .

"Och, no! I thought I had the ball, then the trees started moving!" (Wyn M)

"It's not my fault. I had a problem with my socks." (Celine C)

"I couldn't see it. Everything went green and blue!" (Zan B)

"How did you lose to Ollie?" (Bianca W) "My hat broke." (Sam H)

"Could we replay the point. I thought I saw a flamingo." (Bianca W)

"I looked behind and I looked in front and I missed it." (Bianca W)

More soon! . . .

Have you heard anything amusing on court recently?

Click here to send your quote!

Click here to return to top of the page

   Humour  • Coaching Tips  • Quiz  • Talking Points  • Quotes  • Postbag   • Links  
   About C.P.T.C.  • Club News  • Junior Section  • Club Tournament  • Subscription Details  • Front Page  

Hitbox